if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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