I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
