im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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