this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize