Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
