i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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