I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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