a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
