I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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