Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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