I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
