i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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