I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
