Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
