I think my fart just growled at me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
