Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
