you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
