I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
