I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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