It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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