Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
