He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
