someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think my vagina is haunted
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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