if only i could text you this smell
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
