those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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