Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
