somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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