Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His nipple licking is glorious
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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