i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
