Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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