If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
