Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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