Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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