The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
