glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
