Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
