She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You work out of a Hotel?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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