im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
