You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
