He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
