I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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