Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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