the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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