so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
this hospital has no fireball
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
