I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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