i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
