I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
