And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
