It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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