i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she smelled like a LAN party
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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