I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
