i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
