Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
