Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
