We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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