did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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