I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
vagina is talking i cant
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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