saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home