So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty