i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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