so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.