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did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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