we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.