: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
