Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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