i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
