I heard we made out
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
