Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
