im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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