Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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